January 2000
Issue 2
Underground News Publication for WHS. Email us at
TrojanTirade at (don't spam) hotmail dot com
Aftermath
Adam Claude
Here we are, bent down in class reading another issue of my little tirade. Pretty cool, eh? We’re still here, and you’re still there.
It seems as though the first day of the Trojan Tirade, there was no traffic in the parking lot after school. Coincidence? I think not. A great majority of the people who read our first issue loved it. Some didn’t, but that’s OK. Not everyone has good taste and I can accept that.
When the “administration” got their hands on a copy of the first issue (we thank you Mrs. Friske for your quick reaction) our plan had later found it’s way into the right hands. It was announced later that day that we would be using two lanes to exit the building. When talking to Craig Paul (that’s our principal by the way), he said that the idea was “logical” and it “may just work.”
So for those of you who
don’t have a sense of humor, the Trojan Tirade may not make
you laugh, but it did get you out of the parking lot much
faster. So what has the Trojan Tribune done for you?
Exactly! Now I can promise you all world peace by the next
issue if everyone would start using that funny looking lever
on the side of your steering column more often. But for now,
enjoy what’s here. «
It’s Time For Rebellion
Matt Hughes
In the Dec. 3 memo given to students entitled, Morning Traffic Issues, Dr. Paul states that students have been given the privilege to park at school. If you think about it, he's actually incorrect. Student parking at this school is not a privilege. It’s a necessity and here's why.
There are 2,736 students enrolled at WHS. There are 35 buses that take students to school every morning. Each bus varies in capacity. According to Ryder, each bus can hold approximately 51 students without violating the fire code, which states that the aisle must be clear. That's two to a seat and one in the back. This means the buses can take approximately 1,785 students to school each day. That's probably a generous estimate, since some of the buses go out to rural areas in which the bus wouldn't fill up if everyone tried to ride it anyway. That leaves approximately 951 students stranded at home. That's 35% of the student body not gettin' an education.
According to Tom Burr, Supervisor of Transportation for the Wayzata School District, "We pay the bus company $190 per bus for one day of service. Since there are 54 buses and 175 days in the school year, our school district will pay the bus company approximately $1.8 million this year."
It's difficult to figure out how much of that $1.8 million is spent on the high school because the district pays the bus company for the whole package of driving students to each of the schools, but I think this is a fair way of looking at it.
Since the buses are serving the high school one third of their time, divide $190 per bus for a day by three to get $63.33 per bus to serve the high school per day. Multiply that by the number of buses that come to this school, 35, and you get $2,216.67 a day. Now multiply that by the number of school days this year, 175, and you get approximately $387,917. That's how much they pay now to get us all to WHS for an entire school year.
If students were not allowed to park at this school, the bus company would need all 54 of their buses to get all of us here legally. At $63.33 per bus for 175 days, that's $598,500 to get us all here for an entire school year. Subtract the $387,917 that they pay now from the $598,500 that they would have to pay, and you get $210,583. That's approximately how much student parking at the high school saves the school district.
There are 796 students who purchased parking permits first semester. At $40 a pop that's $31,840 a semester, or $63,680 a year. Divide that by the 175 days in the year for $364 that we stuff into Dr. Paul's pockets every single school day. How can he justify stealing that much money from us when we've already saved his district $210,583? I don't get it. Was it something we said?
Dr. Paul, you're not giving us the privilege to park at your school. You're taking advantage of us. You're acting on an opportunity to put a lot of money in that little discretionary fund of yours. (The one that you have complete control over to spend with as you please...bounties on students' heads for bad behavior, salaries for parking lot attendants, etc.)
All right fellow WHS students, here's the part where we take action. In that traffic memo Dr. Paul also says that the easiest way to be on time is to ride the school bus. I say let’s do it. The memo also states that any school bus tardy is excused. If we all ride the bus Jan. 26, 35% of us should be excused. They would have to excuse an absence because of the bus as well.
If you're the type that doesn't stand up for what they believe in because they're afraid of the consequences, then this form of rebellion is perfect for you. There's nothing wrong with trying to ride the bus. If you've got something going on after school and you can't find a ride from a family member or friend give me a call at 559-6538. It's all good. I have a van. If you live in a rural area or something and you don't think your bus will fill up, just drive to a friend's house and try to ride his/her bus.
To all WHS students, lets actually do something together as an entire school. I think it’s called school spirit or something. I’m unfamiliar with the term. Just think of how nice it would be to park at our own school free of charge. I don't think it's too much to ask. Seniors, we only have about a semester left at this school. Let’s make some changes and leave a tight ass legacy behind. Underclassmen, this could save you more than just $40. If you don’t care, you’ll end up paying for future semester parking permits as well.
Be sure to spread the word about the first annual Ride The Bus Day on January 26. Not everybody gets a copy of this paper. If they don't announce the next day that second semester parking permits require nothing more than a student I.D., I'm just going to park without one.
See ya on the bus, baby.
Parking Money
Jenny Waters
Your time is precious and so is mine. So what else is precious to you besides your time? Your money of course! Every year we pay for things like CDs, clothes, movies, and the “privilege” to drive to school! Granted many of your wardrobes could feed a starving nation for an extended period of time, and $80 a year is nothing to you. For the rest of us who have to work for our money, we realize that $80 is about 13 hours of work for your average high school student just to park. That doesn’t include the summers and evenings we’ll work just to get a car, pay for gas, and buy insurance.
Now, I wouldn’t be complaining if I could just get a straight answer on where my money goes. Maybe it pays for the buses? In which case, we are paying to transport others to school. Upkeep of the parking lot? That’s okay, looks like it needs a lot of maintenance. How about the lot monitors? What I don’t understand is, if I’m paying them to watch my car and all the junk inside of it, then why aren’t they responsible for it? For example, let’s say that I give Adam $5 to watch my coat for the day. When I come to him to retrieve my coat, he should have it and in perfect condition. If not, isn’t it only fair that he buy me a new one? Same thing with my car. I’m paying people to watch my car for the day, and yet they are not responsible if it or anything inside of it is stolen. Is this fair? I think not. «
Teen Drinking
Adam Claude
So what do kids these days do on the weekends, or at parties/college? In recent studies, most teens either make out or go swimming. But then why rely on just one source? I don’t know. I’ve never really seen a checkbox for “I’m over 21” on any college apps, but have heard many a great dorm-story. I’m sure everyone’s heard enough about this subject already. So I’ll keep it short. Friends don’t let friends eat Gopher Cakes because they don’t get enough exercise as a result of being killed by a drunk driver while not seeing that one coming while giving blood to starving children who were killed by a drunk driver that was kept off the street by Gopher Cake eating mentors that talk to their parents about AIDS who do lunch at the YMCA and recycle stupid public service announcements. Don’t be a hypocrite. «
Classifieds
Hanson CD-Never
used, still in original packaging. $2 or b/o.
Jessica
New Lexus RX 300-Used once to arrive at prom. Wanting
something bigger. Sarah.
Partially used mint from urinal-Still good. $7 firm. Ben
Pink Rickey Martin scarf- At $20, this is a flaming deal. Bruce
Freedom of Expression
Adam Claude
What does freedom of
expression actually mean? The First Amendment guarantees our
right to free expression and free association, which means
that the school does not have the right to forbid us form
saying what we like, and writing what we like.
Does this mean that I have a right to express my opinions and beliefs in school? Yes it does. In 1969 in the Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District the Supreme Court held that students in public schools [which are run by the government] do not leave their First Amendment rights at the door. This means that you can express your opinions orally and in writing, in leaflets or on buttons, armbands or T-shirts.
Also, school officials may not censor only one side of a controversy. If they permit an article in the official school paper that says that people who wear trench coats are bad people and should all be hauled down to the office, they may not censor an article that says people who wear trench coats are fine model students.
We all have a right to express our opinions as long as you do so in a way that doesn’t “materially and substantially” disrupt classes or other school activities. If you hold a protest on the school steps and block the entrance to the building, the “administration” may have a problem with you.
What can the “administration” do about non school authorized news papers? The answer to this is not much. There ya have it folks. The rumors of “these kids are going to be suspended” is a bunch of filthy administrative dribble in my eyes. «
Misguided Minds
Chris Young
Recently, issues have been brought up involving students at WHS who wear trench coats. Yes, many of you think that this has been overdone, and that may be true, but it still has yet to be resolved. A few students at WHS felt uncomfortable and threatened by this extremely stereotyped group of students and decided to do something about it. They went to the administration for help. And what did the administration do? They added more wood to the fire by targeting these stereotyped students.
So this is where I come in. I am one of those kids who wears a trench coat. Most importantly, I am never going to come after you for any reason. Yes, I do realize that it is intimidating when you see a few of us walking through the halls, but a group of football players or guys wearing FUBU have the same effect as we do. I am not going to stop walking and talking with my friends just because someone that doesn’t know us finds us intimidating. There is no reason to be afraid of us. If we bother you that much, maybe you should take a look at the group you’re standing with in the hallway.
Now the stereotype that surrounds us is ridiculous. It is assumed that because we wear trench coats and/or black clothing that we are dangerous psychopaths that are more threatening to your life than the exhaust from your Expedition. When this year started, I wasn’t friends with any of the kids in the stereotyped group I am now a part of. It wasn’t until the people in this school and the administration started harassing us that we became friends. I find it hypocritical and ironic that we are now criticized and feared for being in a group that the administration and the student body has created.
If people just didn’t judge each other on their clothing or appearance, and weren’t cruel to each other for these petty reasons, life would be much easier for many people at WHS, not just those of us who wear trench coats. «
Okayaw:
• My lights didn’t
go out January 1st. Did yours?
• The cop cars parked outside of the building makes me
feel safe. Real safe.
• The flirting between certain hall monitors makes me
feel safe. We’ve all seen it, you know who I am talking
about.
• You can enter the building no problem, during school
but to leave the building, you must first pass the glove
test. Make sense? Didn’t think so.
• Student council spends hours doing nothing, and when
something does arise, they end up blaming Russia for their
petty little Wayzata problems. You may see them prancing
around school with “magic” wands holding
Kemps® Ice Cream buckets full of colored Monopoly money.
They are also commonly seen in neutral gang colors (i.e. pink
or green), and commonly associate themselves as
“friends of Dr. Paul.”
• Electricity comes from electrons, why does morality
have to come from morons?
• School preaches peace, then brings in the army, navy,
and marines during lunch.
• I’d be in control of this place, but I think
I’m over qualified.
The Conscience of a Hacker
The Mentor
Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal."
Damn kids. They're all alike.
But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain, ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him? I am a hacker, enter my world...
Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
Damn underachiever. They're all alike.
I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms. Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."
Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.
I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me... Or feels threatened by me... Or thinks I'm a smart ass... Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.
And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is found. "This is it... this is where I belong..."
I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...
Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...
You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us willing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert. This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch. We make use of a service already existing, and you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals. You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.
Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like. My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me for.
I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual, but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.
Top Reasons Why Our Paper is Better Than the Trojan Tribune
11. It’s not the same
regurgitated crappings of that girl in the
“journalism” class.
10. Tree huggers like the Trojan Tirade better
because you don’t see it crumpled up on the floor in
the hallway like you would with that other paper
9. Ours is easier to make an airplane with
8. We write our own columns
7. No commercial advertising
6. Contains no recycled articles
5. Teachers read it in the hallways
4. We express multiple opinions, not just the approved
ones
3. Tirade solves
traffic problems
2. Less trees killed plus more content equals a better
paper
1.
Less bitching
Messed Up Stuff I Don’t Get
•Mom gave me $100 to buy
new clothes for school. Instead I just bought one of those
red laser pointers. I wear the same old clothes everyday, but
mine don't have red dots on them.
• People who dress like Blossom.
• Graduation ceremony in some building down town.
• Bubble wrap like coats
We Get Letters
“You know, not all of us in student council are puppets of the administration.”- Scott Tran, Junior class representative.
“The Tirade is hilarious...As an Editor of the Trojan Tribune, I can tell you in advance that this Friday's [Dec. 17th] issue sucks ass.”-anonymous journalism student
"Finally, a paper that holds those in power accountable for their actions."-Matt Hughes (Editorial Editor of the Trojan Tribune)
“I used to be real depressed. I lost my job, failed "modern problems", and I was diagnosed with syphilis of the ear, all in the same month. I sat around the house teaching myself backgammon and played with pogs. Ever since I read your Tirade, I've had a reason to live. It inspires me to do things now. I would like to meet you on MTV's Fanatic, but it would seem too embarrassing. I just wanted to thank you for picking my life out of gutter and hosing it off.”
(This was actually sent to us as a joke.)
Where Are You, Dr. Paul?
Brian Strock
Dr. Paul is the so-called “Principal” of Wayzata High School. He, as anybody who goes to Wayzata knows, is completely invisible to the student body. I have never seen him, yet, I’ve gone to this school since I was a freshman. The man is a ghost, a wraith, in our own school. Dr. Paul was named the Minnesota Principal of the Year. While I congratulate him on this, I think it is not deserved. Sure, there are approximately 2,700 students who attend this school, but we don’t want to get all bogged down in details. At least, he should be patrolling the halls of wayward students who wear trench coats, hats, or who are carrying suspiciously looking magic wands. Sure, being a principal is a lot of work, but is it that much? The answer is no, my friends. So why all the secrecy? The real question is, Is Dr. Paul Real? That’s right. Dr. Paul, in my opinion, is not real at all. He doesn’t exist! Dr. Paul is like the bogeyman, a story made up by parents (or penny-pinching administrators) to scare kids, passed around at school. That’s where I learned that the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny aren’t real. Sorry guys, 90% of my income for college was going to be from mugging those greedy…
Does Dr. Paul exist? While some claim to have seen him, I can surely say that it was just an actor. My guess is that the district made up Dr. Paul when they couldn’t afford a real principal. They created a persona, filled it with their own ideas, and hired a bum off the streets to portray him.
So what do we do? Well, what can we do? The best thing to do is to weed him out. We need to expose this sadistic plan before the fire spreads. What’s next, phantom lunch ladies, parking lot attendants, or even coaches? People, I beseech you. Expose this evil plot before it’s too late! Always suspect those that you haven’t met. Sure, they can’t all be part of the conspiracy, but why take the chance?
Everyone’s Pants Are Ringing
Adam Claude
Is it just me, or have we become too dependent upon cell phones? I mean don’t get me wrong. I love technology, but when I have to listen to someone check his/her voice mail in the middle of math class, it has gone too far. A lot of the people who go to Wayzata have a cell phone, pager, or some other kind of telepathic communications device that screams in the middle of class that is just as distracting. Sure it’s Wayzata, and everyone’s parents are loaded, but do we really need this stuff harassing others in class? Chances are slim that we really do. I don’t care if your parents own a candy store or a multi-billion dollar coffee shop. You don’t need a cell phone to finish your psychology reading, and a pager isn’t going to help you complete your art project. Yeah, I have a battery operated shrieking device that will scream bloody murder if I feel I need some attention during class, but it’s the fools in class with the beeping pants that make the statement. Of course there are advantages to these toys we all seem addicted to. It gives others a reason to laugh at you when you get into a car accident. So take care next time something in your pocket starts jumping for attention, others may be around. «
Top 4 Things That Are Extremely Annoying By
Now
Because 1 is
too easy to think of
4. Furbies, Pokeman, Beanie
Babies
3. Administration barking at students as they walk through
the doors on a cold day, “take that hat off or
I’ll beat you senseless with my wooden
leg.”
2. Mrs. Frisky locking the doors on students as they’re
walking in only on subzero degree days resulting in a
tardy.
1.
Anything that deals with mojo.
Later in the Tirade
• Driving Ms. Dummy
• Dumb America
• Junk Mail and Spam - Not to be confused with green eggs and
ham.
• Rap makes my car bump yo!
• Administrative Probing-Feedback from our
administration
• Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying
The Trojan Tirade is edited and produced by Adam Claude. We can not take responsibility for your actions. If what you read in this publication causes you to do bad in any way, you do not belong out in public to start with. The views expressed here are by no means the views of Wayzata High School, it’s “administration”, or even of the editor of this paper. Just because you may not agree with me, doesn’t mean you need to start hissing at me like a vegetarian would at meat. If you wish to submit an idea for an article, an article, pictures, or your two cents, drop us a line at TrojanTirade@hotmail.com. There are approximately 2,200 oppressed victims served by this issue. We are not responsible for disrupting the educational process in any way.